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Ask the Pastor

† Theological musings and answers to selected questions by a confessional Lutheran pastor.






15 August 2005

Finding the Right Spouse


Q: I’ve met someone but don’t know if this is the one God is sending. How do I know? Can God send us that one right person we are meant to share our lives with? I never wanted the divorce with my husband; I thought he was the right one. But he turned out to be abusive and I couldn’t bring up my child in a house like that. How could I have chosen the wrong one?

A: I only include part of your question, since this is the heart of the matter. God sends not only what we need, but also whom we need when the need is greatest. However, sometimes we and God have different ideas as to what or who is needed. At other times, we ignore the right gift for something that “feels” or “looks” right at the time. That plain, quiet guy or that woman we hardly noticed may actually be the one who’ll be the steadiest, most supportive, most loving spouse imaginable — yet because we are caught up in a desire for romance, adventure, or satisfying certain feelings, we forget that relationships are not established on emotions, but on knowledge, trust, and interdependence. That’s not to say that emotions are not to be part of the package, but that they shouldn’t override common sense or doing what is right.

Also, if you sinned by ignoring warning signs or by not being honest with yourself or God when you chose your ex-husband, that sin is forgiven and God will bring healing to you. So keep praying, and while praying, make sure that you and God don’t have different ideas as to whom “Mr. Right” really is. And unless and until God decides that you are ready for a husband, pray for the strength and patience to be the best Christian mother and single person you can be.

Send email to Ask the Pastor.

Walter Snyder is the pastor of Holy Cross Lutheran Church, Emma, Missouri and coauthor of the book What Do Lutherans Believe.

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